


i wanna be a feeling you can't fight

by Nightblaze



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F, Just wondering, fellas is it gay to homoerotically argue with ur homie, no island au, they r in college
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28208901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightblaze/pseuds/Nightblaze
Summary: The weather was absolute shit and there was some chick shooting hoops on Toni’s basketball court.
Relationships: Rachel Reid/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 23
Kudos: 72





	i wanna be a feeling you can't fight

**Author's Note:**

> i know shoni is king but they are cute too & i had to say it 🖐️😌

The weather was absolute shit and there was some chick shooting hoops on Toni’s basketball court.

By “absolute shit,” Toni meant that it was 35 degrees (Fahrenheit, because fuck Celsius) and snowing. By “shooting hoops” she meant the girl was failing miserably. Like, hadn’t made a single shot in the three minutes Toni had been watching. And the court wasn’t technically  _ hers,  _ but she couldn’t remember the last time someone else had played there without her inviting them.

Man, this girl wasn’t giving up, and she wasn’t improving at all. Toni could pick out five things wrong with her form in just a second, and she’d been watching for—she checked the clock—four minutes now, which meant… Nevermind, it was winter break, Toni wasn’t going to do any kind of math until next semester.

The girl recovered the ball after it bounced off the rickety backboard, and for the first time Toni caught a glimpse of her face. Her hood was up, and the faux-fur along the edge had been obscuring her until that moment.

Oh shit, could she see Toni, too?

Toni backed away from the window, hoping the girl didn’t think she was getting creeped on. That was the last thing Toni wanted. Honestly, she just thought it was hilarious that she was practicing basketball alone in the snow and during winter break. Like, did she have nothing better to do?

Hm. Actually, Toni wasn’t fairing much better. Martha had gone back home, and had offered to let Toni stay with her if she wanted to, but instead Toni had elected to stay in the dorms and waste her days binging TV shows and eating Takis. So maybe the girl on the basketball court had the right idea.

Toni glanced back out the window, mildly surprised to see that the girl was gone.

The next day, though, she was back.

It was slightly colder than before, but the snow had let up. None of it had stuck—Toni was almost amazed at the lack of snow, having grown up with blizzards just about every year in Minnesota. The girl was not any better at basketball than before.

Toni didn’t watch her today, didn’t want to freak her out if she looked up again, but every couple minutes she spared a look and saw a flash of orange hit against the backboard or soar just above or below it.

After twenty minutes, she decided she had to help this girl. She obviously wasn’t giving up.

Toni threw on a puffy red jacket and had to search around the room for a moment to find her black gloves and hat. Grabbing her basketball off of the shelf, she left the room and made for the stairs.

* * *

“Shit,” Rachel breathed as the basketball ricocheted off the rim. She sighed and jogged over to grab it before it rolled into the soggy grass.

Ever since her senior year of high school, Rachel hadn’t done any diving. After Coach talked to her, she had just tried to be better, better, better, pushed herself beyond her limits and hurt herself in the process. Subconsciously, she reached up the back of her neck, still feeling a phantom pain there. That wasn’t all, though; the mental stress and dangerous habits were even harder to heal than the injury. Thinking about it too much made her sick, so instead she threw the basketball again and watched it bounce off the backboard.

Rachel had tried soccer and softball already. Neither of them stuck, but neither of them she was  _ this  _ bad at. Logically she should chalk it up to not having any coach to guide her, but it still sent a spark of self-loathing through her head.

“Hey!”

Rachel nearly dropped the ball in surprise at the unfamiliar voice. Frankly she thought everybody else had gone home for break; she’d barely been able to convince Nora and their parents to let her stay on campus. Nora already hovered around her enough during the semester, and Rachel hadn’t wanted that threefold back at home.

She turned towards the source of the call. It was a short girl, with long wavy brown hair and dark eyes squinted against the cold.

“Hey,” Rachel replied after a moment.

“Boredom make you turn to basketball?” the stranger asked and it was then Rachel noticed the basketball tucked under her arm. “I, uh, noticed you out here yesterday, too.”

Rachel smiled and cursed herself, knowing that it looked more like a grimace. “Yeah, something like that.” She thought she had seen somebody in the windows yesterday, but passed it off as a trick of the light. Guess she was wrong.

“I didn’t really think anybody else knew about the court back here. It’s so out of the way.” The stranger dribbled her ball for a moment and lined up her shot for half a second before shooting it. The basketball swished through the hoop easy. The girl laughed and chased after the ball. “I’m Toni, by the way.”

“Rachel,” Rachel said, still confused by Toni showing up but mildly impressed by how easily she could make the shot.

Toni dribbled the ball again, passing it between her hands and catching it again. She must’ve seen Rachel’s expression because she sighed and admitted, “Honestly, you look like you have no idea what you’re doing and I wanted to help you out. I’ve played for years.”

Rachel raised her brows. “Jesus.”

“Well, I’m right.”

“Didn’t have to say it like that,” Rachel countered and laughed as Toni’s face contorted into annoyance for a moment.

“Do you want help or not?”

“Jeez, jeez,” Rachel was still a bit amused. “Sure.”

Toni rolled her eyes, but Rachel thought she saw a repressed smile on her face. “You gotta start with the basics. At practice, we drill layups so often it’s not even funny.”

Rachel listened to what was an impassioned rant about frustrating drills with just a sprinkle of actual instruction on top, and somehow managed to pick out the useful information. Use her left hand as a guide and her right hand to push the ball, bounce it off the backboard and into the basket.

“I mean, you just have to feel it, you know?” Toni finished.

“Just feel it?” Rachel deadpanned. “Are you one of  _ those  _ types of athletes?”

“What? The absolutely baller ones?” Toni shot back, sensing the disdain in her voice. Rachel didn’t back down. This girl was fun to mess with.

“The ones who think they’re gods just because they’re talented at one thing.”

Toni looked genuinely frustrated. “Just try to shoot the damn ball! I swear to God, I try to do one nice thing for someone…”

Rachel bit her tongue to suppress her laughter, but complied, following Toni’s guidance and…

Huh.

That was easy.

“Shit,” Rachel said.

“See?” 

Toni’s face was exactly the kind of smug Rachel would love to smack off.

* * *

Toni definitely should have predicted that trying to have a movie night with Rachel would end in an argument one way or another.

They had met a couple more times out on the basketball court before Rachel had invited Toni to go back to her dorm for hot chocolate. It was so damn cold out that Toni would’ve been stupid to decline, and somehow that had turned into both of them hanging out for several hours.

Toni hadn’t really meant for it to happen, but they were actually kind of friends. She was surprised how much she enjoyed hanging out with her. For a very long time Martha had been her only friend—other people talked to her, but most of the time Toni drove them away with her recklessness and anger.

The thing about Rachel was that whenever Toni got pissed, she faced it head on. It felt like everyone else in her life ran away or backed off. It was refreshing not having to bottle it up (not that she had been very good at bottling it up, anyway).

The problem was, however, that this meant they got in a lot of arguments about dumb shit, and movies were not excluded.

“It’s literally garbage!” Toni shouted.

“I  _ never  _ said it was  _ perfect,  _ I said that I  _ liked  _ it,” Rachel shot back.

“It’s a fucking Disney channel movie!”

“That’s part of the charm!”

“Isn’t the love interest, like, for  _ sure  _ a grown man and the main character isn’t?”

Rachel scoffed. “Okay, that’s fair enough, but it’s still fun and doesn’t deserve this slander.”

Toni threw a Cheese-it at her. “We are not watching Camp Rock. I would rather eat my own shit than watch Camp Rock.” That was not true, but hey, Toni was committed here.

“God, you are literally impossible.” Rachel picked up the Cheese-it and sent it flying back, directly into Toni’s eye.

“Ow! Fuck!”

Rachel cackled and Toni was  _ so  _ close to going just absolutely batshit, but instead she found herself laughing, too.

“Here’s my compromise,” Rachel began. “We’re going to race down to the bell tower, and whoever wins gets to choose the movie. Even if it’s Camp Rock.”

“Deal,” Toni said instantly.

In less than a minute, they were racing down the stairs, and then across the empty campus in the ice and snow. The bell tower wasn’t far away, maybe five blocks, but in their haste neither of them had bothered to put on jackets and  _ fuck  _ it was cold. Over the last week, temperatures had dropped even more, and there was a healthy three inches of snow on the ground.

Toni was used to small sprints across the court, and she was remembering very quickly that Rachel went running almost every evening and was absolutely going to win. She had no chance, but fuck it if she wasn’t still going to try.

She kicked up her pace although her legs ached—man, she must be falling out of shape from sitting around all day—but Rachel was pulling farther and farther ahead.

Toni huffed as she passed the bell tower and she slowed down, her own heartbeat pulsing in her ears drowning out Rachel’s cheers of victory.

“Camp Rock for you, motherfucker!” Rachel laughed. Toni took another moment to catch her breath.

“Goddamn it,” she finally got out. “That was unfair. You actually run.”

“Deal’s a deal, Toni,” Rachel said in an overly sweet voice.

“Fine. Let’s go back, it’s freezing.”

Toni went to start walking back to the dorms, but just her luck, she slipped on a patch of ice and went tumbling to the ground.

Rachel’s face was concerned for a moment, but as soon as it was clear Toni was okay, she started laughing her ass off.

A flare of anger went up in Toni. She kicked and swept Rachel’s legs out from under her.

Toni peeled herself off of the ground, still breathing heavily from the sprint. Rachel had fallen backwards into a snow drift and had stopped laughing.

“Shit. Shit, Rachel, are you okay?”

Fuck! She was so stupid. Always taking things too far, hurting people. Toni flashed back to Regan’s bleeding lips and broken car window as she scrambled over to Rachel.

“I’m fine, just help me up,” Rachel groaned and reached out her hand. Toni grabbed it and immediately yelped as she was pulled down into the snow. Rachel was laughing again. Toni was fucking cold, but hey, she kind of deserved it, so she would let it slide. She started laughing with her.

As they laid there for a couple moments longer, Toni made the mistake of looking over at Rachel and realizing that oh, fuck.

She was beautiful.

* * *

They were back to shooting hoops on the basketball court.

Over the last couple weeks, they’d been hanging out more and more, and the school had slowly been repopulating as college kids got fed up with their families and decided to come back early.

Rachel let the free-throw fly and clapped when it made the hoop easily.

“Nice shot,” Toni said, sounding impressed. Rachel grinned at the compliment. “But watch this.” Toni stood from the half-court line, lined up her shot, and let it go. Rachel whistled as the ball barely touched the basket as it passed through.

“I hate to admit it, but damn, you are good,” she said.

“Oh, I know.” The smug look on her face was something Rachel was used to by now, and she rolled her eyes at it. When she glanced back, though, Toni looked like she had seen a ghost. Rachel followed her gaze to a girl their age staring right back at them. She hurried off after an awkward moment.

“What’s her problem?” Rachel muttered and turned back towards Toni, but she hadn’t stopped looking where that girl had stood. “You okay?”

“Ugh, yeah.” Toni startled out of whatever reverie that was. “That was, uh, my ex. Weird seeing her around.”

Oh.

“You’re gay?” Rachel asked.

“Is that a problem?” Toni said immediately, her face dropping into a kind of anger that Rachel hadn’t seen before. Most of the time when Toni got mad, it was still almost friendly, but this was a dead cold expression.

Rachel shook her head. “No, of course not, I just—” Huh. She couldn’t really put a finger on why that felt like such a revelation. “It doesn’t matter. I just didn’t know.” She could see Toni visibly relax, but she was still nothing like how she’d been just a moment before.

An hour or so later, they were chilling in Toni’s dorm, snacking on chips and warming up from the cold. Rachel could only say that the vibes were… off. Toni was still tense as hell.

“What happened between you and her?” Rachel finally asked. “Your ex, I mean. You look really shaken up.”

Toni stared at Rachel for a long moment before answering. “It was my fault. I lost it and made some stupid choices and… She didn’t want to deal with that.”

Rachel scoffed. “Just dipped at the first sign of trouble?” She thought that was idiotic. Sure, Toni got into moods, but that wasn’t a reason to give her up. That chick had no idea what she’d had and given up. Sucked to be her.

“Nah, it wasn’t like that. I don’t really blame her.”

“I do,” Rachel said. “I mean, she doesn’t know what she’s missing. If I dropped you the first time you got pissy, I don’t know what I’d be doing right now. Probably something really fucking lame.”

Toni blinked at her, obviously not expecting this answer. Rachel shrugged at her. “It’s better this way, trust me. But, uh, thanks.”

“No problem.”

After that day, Rachel realized she started seeing Toni differently. Seeing her toned muscles and the mischievous glint in her eyes right before she pulled some stupid bullshit. Started staring at the curves of her face and memorizing the way the light shined on her hair. Started noticing how her stomach lurched sometimes when Toni smiled at her and when leaned closer together when they argued. Started thinking that maybe the flush she felt in her face after they’d been playing basketball or sprinting across campus or whatever bullshit it was that day was equal parts because of the exercise and because of Toni.

And Rachel was also realizing that this wasn’t exactly an isolated event.

There was this girl in middle school that Rachel wanted to be friends with so badly that she ended up making a fool of herself on multiple occasions. Maybe that wasn’t so much friendly admiration as it was a silly crush. Maybe the reason she loved Jennifer’s Body so much wasn’t just because of the feminist messaging but also because of the actresses. Maybe this was why it had been so easy for her not to get a boyfriend during high school so that she had enough time for diving.

There was also the fact that Rachel was almost certain Toni was looking at her the same way she was looking at her.

It was all falling into place, and she had no idea what to do with it.

* * *

It was the last few days of break and Toni and Rachel were playing truth or dare, just drunk enough to be pleasantly buzzed.

“Okay, okay okay,” Toni leaned forward and Rachel mirrored her. “Truth or dare?”

Rachel pretended to think on it. “Truth.”

“Tell me your first impression of me,” she said.

What had started as passing remarks in her head about Rachel’s attractiveness had blossomed out of control. It was at the point where they could be arguing about the most disgusting thing and all that Toni could think about was that their faces were so close together and if she wanted to, all she had to do was close the gap and kiss her.

It wasn’t just that she was pretty. She was strong and determined and honest and wasn’t afraid to go toe-to-toe with Toni. She  _ liked  _ going toe-to-toe with Toni, and frankly, Toni liked it too. She liked the fire, being unafraid to push and get pushed back.

“Annoying dipshit,” Rachel said, and then amended with a nod, “Annoying and pretty dipshit.”

Toni hoped that the dim light in the room was disguising her blush well enough. “Aww.”

Rachel kicked her shin and gave her a smile. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Toni sighed. Rachel was staring at her, almost like she was sizing her up. “What?”

“I’m trying to figure out if it’s a good idea to ask this question.”

Toni laughed. “I didn’t think you would be one to back down from something.”

“I’m not,” Rachel said. Toni raised her eyebrows. Rachel leaned in a little bit farther, and Toni did the same. It felt like they were about to share a secret and she wondered if she should be scared. “Fine. Have you ever wanted to kiss me?”

Oh, shit. 

Okay.

“Maybe,” Toni breathed.

“That’s not a real answer,” Rachel said. “That’s not allowed.”

“Who says?”

“The whole world, dumbass.”

“Wow, every single person?”

“Mhm. So answer the question.”

“What’re you gonna do about it if I don't?” Toni was looking straight into Rachel’s eyes, daring her to make the first move.

“You’re unbearable,” was the last thing Rachel said before she closed the last bit of distance between them.

The kiss was somehow nothing spectacular and like a supernova all at once. Toni had known it was coming, but she wasn’t prepared for the spark that she felt. It was a hunger both finally satiated and craving more. She chased Rachel’s lips as she pulled away.

“You still haven’t answered the question,” Rachel told her with a smile.

Toni stifled a laugh. “Fuck off.”


End file.
